Physical Illness, Apologies, and Cameras On or Off: Your Biggest Communication Questions Answered
In October 2020, I had the privilege of making a presentation about how to effectively communicate with those who do not communicate like you at a virtual North Carolina Chamber of Commerce event. Participants had several questions, and these are the biggest and the ones I most often receive.
QUESTION 1: What do you recommend for someone who gets physically ill when they have an upcoming hard conversation.
RESPONSE: Great question! First, take care of yourself. The “illness” comes from uncertainty. You quell uncertainty by having a plan. Come prepared with an agenda even if you are not the one leading the conversation. Know precisely what you plan to cover—the three to five items that you need to discuss—use “I” statements where you indicate what you will do/what will be your responsibility, and ask for the other person’s cooperation. When you have a plan, it gives you confidence. When you know exactly what you will cover and what your goal is for the conversation, it gives you confidence. Whether you are leading the conversation or not, always show up prepared with an attitude where you want only the best to come out of the conversation. Do not push back. If the other person is being difficult, do not feel like you have to “fight back.” Human nature dictates that force follows force blindly. If one pushes, then we have a human tendency to push back. (For example, someone cuts you off on the road, you want to find a way to get even.) However, it takes only one person to stop “pushing.” When a conversation is not productive, there’s nothing wrong with you saying “This is not going well. Let’s take a break, regroup, and come back to this when we have clear heads.”
QUESTION 2: What would you suggest for someone [who] tends to apologize for miscommunications or misunderstandings even when it isn’t always their fault?
RESPONSE: I recommend that that person immediately stop apologizing. Do not apologize for anything. If you make a misstep or misspeak, do not say “I’m sorry. I meant to say …” Delete “I’m sorry,” and simply start with “I meant to say.” For more information on how to avoid wimpy communication, see this post. (Moreover, what makes that person do that—apologize for mistakes that are not his/her fault? … That’s a bigger question to consider. Find the answer to that, address it, then you have a winner.)
QUESTION 3: As we are all working remote, do you think NOT turning on your webcam during a meeting can help to avoid those snap judgements based on looks? Or do the benefits outweigh the risks?
RESPONSE: Yes and no. Turning on your webcam during meetings helps you control some of the judgment people make about you. If they can see you as opposed to just seeing your name, it gives them a personality—an actual human—to go along with your name, and that bodes well for any presentation. However, your image alone will still cause people to create a perception of you—fairly or unfairly. The benefit of showing your smiling face, of showing that you are paying attention and not possibly off camera and on your phone or doing something else, the benefit of showing you are engaged and are mentally and physically present outweigh the risks of not being on camera. Actually, the risk of NOT being on camera is all of the aforementioned. There’s already a physical distance between you. Close the gap by turning on your camera. To not be on camera, you run the risk of people NOT seeing your smiling face, of having people possibly thinking you are NOT paying attention and that you are possibly off camera and on your phone or doing something else, or suggesting you are NOT engaged and are NOT mentally and physically present. When possible, choose to be fully present—on-camera and on the mic!
You’ve got this!
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Did you enjoy this post? Get more communication strategies in Show Up and Show Out: 52 Communication Habits to Make You Unforgettable.
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